What You’ll Learn Today:
- Why date nights fail
- What you need to do instead of date nights
- My top 10 tips for mini-connections
Let’s think about the idea of “date night” for a minute. There’s just too much pressure to make a big connection – you’re supposed to have fun and there’s definitely pressure to have sex later – I mean, it’s friggin’ date night! So, you finally get home (exhausted after the week and the pressure of date night) and now you’re supposed to have rock star sex to show that you’re interested in improving the relationship. Result: non-rock star sex (if any happens at all) because women have to feel some connection and closeness to get excited about sex and being tired at the end of a long and stressful day and date is not getting her there.
Why do therapists and friends recommend a date night? It’s to connect. I will tell you right now that the vast majority of people I work with complain about one thing the most in their relationship. It’s not actually money or sex. It’s about a failure to emotionally connect.
The issue is that lasting emotional connection does not come from big, grand gestures. It’s not from the whirlwind vacations, big date nights or sex (although all of these things can be great).
Lasting emotional connection is built from what I call micro or mini-connections. These don’t happen in one fell swoop. These happen over the course of a day, that builds into weeks and months. You’ve got to build the trust to create this connection and that comes from consistency. You don’t build trust in your relationship on a once a week date night.
My top 10 tips are in the broadcast – make sure you check them out!