What You’ll Learn Today:

  • What your brain does when its in love and lust
  • Tips for getting your brain to recreate those in love and lust feelings

Top Take-A-Ways:

Biological anthropologist, Helen Fisher, Senior Research Fellow at the Kinsey Institute, has been studying our brains in relation to sex, love and relationships for decades. 

She’s identified three different stages of relationships which I have dubbed the Relationship Brain Constellation. I want you to think of it this way – as a Constellation – because all three work together to create a firm base for what you’re holding on top of that Constellation: a connected and hot relationship. Each star of the Constellation has an important brain chemical associated with it. If you want to get that spark back, you need to focus on creating each of these chemicals.

The three stars she’s identified are: 

  1. Sex and lust. The chemical related to this is testosterone. Doing competitive sports or aerobic exercise will raise your testosterone levels.
  2. Your feelings of attachment and trust. The chemical related to this is oxytocin. Touching your partner more will release more of this chemical.
  3. Being in love and romance. The chemical related to this is dopamine. Doing new things with your partner will release more of this chemical. 

Resources and Links:

Esther Perel, The Secret to Desire in a Long-Term Relationship, TEDSalon

Helen Fischer, Real Aphrodisiacs to Boost Desire

Date Nite Box

Russell Poldrack, Novelty and Testing: When the Brain Learns and Why It Forgets

Helen Fischer, Romantic Love: an fMRI study of a Neural Mechanism for Mate Choice


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