What You’ll Learn Today:

  • What constitutes cheating 
  • My top 10 dos and don’ts of cheating

Top Take-A-Ways:

There’s no “one” action that defines cheating; you draw the line wherever you both agree to draw the line. Cheating can only be defined within each individual relationship. 

Top 10 “Do’s and Don’ts” if your partner cheated:  

  1. Find out information but stay out of the nitty gritty. 
  2. Have conversations but no screaming matches. 
  3. Get thee to a good therapist!
  4. Listen to what your partner says. 
  5. Don’t allow yourself to be blamed  but also take responsibility.
  6. Is your partner willing to do anything different now? 
  7. Don’t speak to 20 different people about the affair. Pick one or two trusted folks (hopefully one is a therapist). 
  8. Don’t make any decisions with long-term consequences for at least 30 days. 
  9. Don’t cause more damage
  10. Unless you or your children is in danger (physical or extreme emotional duress), don’t let anyone tell you what to do. 

Dealing with infidelity in your relationship is hard. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself (getting rest, eating healthy foods, speaking to a therapist) before making any major life changes.

Resources and Links:

My Book, Be Happily Married, Even if Your Partner Won’t do a Thing

Communication Toolkit