What You’ll Learn Today:

  • The difference between hearing and listening
  • The three A’s of effective listening
  • The big secret about being heard is that it has little to do with the other person! (I’ll explain later)
  • The 5 Step Process for Being Heard in Any Relationship (yes, you can use these tips with friends, coworkers, bosses and family members – not just your partner)

Top Take-A-Ways:

If you don’t have any obvious hearing problems, you tend to think that you listen “naturally” and that it’s just something you do automatically, like breathing or digesting. 

And this is your mistake. Because listening effectively is a actually a skill! It’s something you learn to do. 

Hearing is automatic, but listening is a learned skill. 

Listening effectively is actually a three-part process, I call Triple A (because all three steps start with the letter “A” and I like to give everything a catchy name). You’re listening effectively when you’ve got these three A’s: Attentiveness to nonverbal cues, Awareness of your reactions and inner thoughts and Actively thinking about what the other person is saying.

The big secret if you want to be heard, is that you need to take full responsibility for it. It’s your responsibility to actively set up the conversation so that effective listening can happen. 

The 5 Step Process to Being Heard:

  1. Listen effectively yourself
  2. Watch for resistance which generally shows up in one of four ways
  3. Get their complete attention first
  4. Keep bringing the focus back to the here and now
  5. Have them repeat back what you said

Resources and Links:

The Zen of Listening, by Rebecca Shafir

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