You’ve probably been taught that anxiety is a bad thing. Something to eliminate, avoid, or medicate (legally or otherwise) into oblivion. But what if I told you that anxiety, in its healthiest form, is actually trying to help you? What if anxiety wasn’t the villain in your story, but a misunderstood protector showing up in a slightly over-the-top way? This week, you’re going to learn how to spot the difference between anxiety that’s working for you and anxiety that’s working you over. You’ll also get science-backed tools for reframing your worry so you can stop fighting it and start using it.
7-minute read
What Is Healthy Anxiety?
Healthy anxiety is not an oxymoron. It’s a biological, evolutionary function that helps you stay safe and prepare for life’s demands. It’s the internal alarm system that says, “Hey, pay attention!” when something actually matters to you.
When anxiety is in its healthy range, it motivates you to study for the test, prepare for the meeting, or double-check your kid’s backpack before a field trip. It keeps you from walking too close to the edge of a cliff or ignoring that lump you found in your breast. It’s functional. It’s adaptive. It’s doing its job.
There’s even a name for this sweet spot of stress: the Yerkes-Dodson Law, which shows that moderate levels of anxiety actually improve performance and focus. Too little arousal and you’re bored or careless. Too much and you’re overwhelmed or frozen. But in the middle, where healthy anxiety lives? That’s where you shine.
Other studies have found that moderate anxiety increases cognitive performance, especially with tasks requiring sustained attention. In fact, the American Psychological Association identifies “signal anxiety” as a healthy, anticipatory emotion that helps prevent future harm. So yes, some anxiety isn’t only normal, it’s essential.
When Anxiety Turns Toxic
Here’s the thing: anxiety is like salt. A pinch enhances the flavor of life. Too much ruins the whole dish.
Signs your anxiety isn’t helping anymore:
- You’re ruminating on the same thought loops day after day
- You avoid taking action because you’re scared you’ll mess up
- You’re easily startled or constantly on edge
- You get sick more often, sleep less, or grind your teeth at night
- You’re snapping at loved ones for things that normally wouldn’t bother you
Example? Let’s say you’re anxious about your partner being emotionally distant. Healthy anxiety might nudge you to have a vulnerable, honest conversation. Unhealthy anxiety convinces you they’re going to leave, and you check their phone, spin out in your head, or withdraw before they can “abandon” you.
The difference is all about functionality. Does your anxiety help you solve problems or create more?
Research Spotlight
Chronic anxiety has been linked to:
- Increased risk for heart disease
- Changes in the amygdala and prefrontal cortex that impair decision-making
- Suppressed immune functioning
This isn’t your body trying to hurt you. It’s your brain trying to protect you (just with the volume turned up way too loud).
Common Examples of Healthy Anxiety
You might be labeling helpful, everyday worry as “bad” anxiety when really, it’s just your brain doing its job.
Let’s reframe some familiar scenarios:
| Situation | Why This is Healthy Anxiety |
| You feel nervous before a presentation | Signals importance and motivates preparation |
| You worry before sending a bold text | Prompts you to pause and clarify your message |
| You feel tense before a doctor’s appointment | Heightens awareness and encourages questions |
| You double-check the stove or front door | Your safety instincts are showing up, not a pathology |
| You worry after a tough conversation with a friend | Shows your relationship matters and deserves attention |
Anxiety, in these moments, is simply pointing toward what you care about.
The Psychology Behind Anxiety
At the heart of anxiety is the brain’s ancient threat detection system. Your amygdala, the emotional center of your brain, processes fear and sends distress signals to your body. Your sympathetic nervous system takes over. Heart rate up. Breathing shallow. Muscles tense. You’re ready to fight, flee, or freeze. Back in caveman days, this helped you survive saber-toothed tigers. Today, it’s more likely to show up because of a text that says, “We need to talk.”
But here’s the catch: your brain doesn’t differentiate between actual danger and imagined or anticipated danger. If you believe something bad might happen, like rejection, failure, or being judged, that’s enough to trigger the same reaction. Now add in trauma, attachment wounds, or early conditioning.
If you were raised in a high-conflict home, if your caregivers were inconsistent, if your boundaries were violated, if you were neglected in some way, if you had a parent with a mental health issue (the list goes on), you likely learned to scan for danger constantly. That’s not a defect. That’s your nervous system adapting to survive. Understanding the roots of your anxiety won’t cure it, but it’ll stop you from blaming yourself. It gives you the power to respond instead of react.
How to Work with Anxiety, Not Against It
Let’s shift from shame to strategy. Here’s how to work with your anxiety instead of fighting or avoiding it. In case you’re not always sure if your anxiety is helping or hurting you, the free download for this week is a quiz to help you determine just that!
1. Reframe It
Instead of thinking, “I shouldn’t be feeling this,” try:
- “What’s this anxiety trying to protect me from?”
- “Is this fear about something now, or something old?”
- “What would I do if I trusted myself right now?”
These reframe questions pull you out of reactive mode and into reflective thinking. And research from cognitive therapy shows that reappraising negative emotions reduces their intensity.
2. Ground Through Your Body
You can’t out-think a hijacked nervous system. You need to bring your body back online.
Try this:
- Press your feet into the floor and say: “I am here now.”
- Inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 6. Repeat for 3 rounds.
- Place your hand over your chest and say, “I’ve felt this before, and I’ve made it through.”
These practices activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which helps calm the alarm bells and bring back rational thinking.
3. Use the “Name it, Normalize it, Navigate it” Framework
- Name it: “I’m feeling anxiety right now.”
- Normalize it: “It’s normal to feel this way before something important.”
- Navigate it: “Here’s one small thing I can do next.”
This simple 3-step process has roots in both mindfulness and emotion regulation research. It helps build something called emotional granularity, which has been shown to reduce the intensity and duration of distressing emotions. Emotional granularity is the ability to recognize and name emotions with high specificity and nuance, allowing you to distinguish between similar feelings like frustration, disappointment, or loneliness, rather than just using broad terms like “sad” or “bad”. Higher emotional granularity is linked to better emotional regulation, improved mental and physical health, and a greater ability to cope with stress and difficult situations. So, it’s a skill you want to develop and master.
4. Let It Ride
What if you didn’t try to fix the anxiety?
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) encourages you to make room for difficult thoughts and feelings without letting them run the show. Try saying to yourself: “This is anxiety. It’s here. I can notice it and still take action.”
That little shift, from resisting to allowing, has been shown to reduce experiential avoidance and improve long-term outcomes for people with chronic anxiety.
5. Find the Fear Under the Fear
Most anxiety is fear dressed up in worry’s clothing. “I’m anxious about this meeting” might really be: “I’m afraid I’ll sound stupid and lose credibility.”
Once you name the core fear (like rejection, failure, or disconnection), you can work with it directly. You can offer yourself reassurance, self-compassion, or preparation instead of spinning out.
Ask yourself:
- “What am I really afraid will happen?”
- “What do I most need to hear right now?”
Then say that. Out loud. To yourself. With love.
Final Thoughts: You Don’t Need to Eliminate Anxiety to Feel at Peace
You can live a rich, connected, purpose-driven life with anxiety tagging along. It’s not about slaying the dragon. It’s about learning to ride it.
Your anxiety is part of your internal guidance system. Sometimes it points toward danger. But sometimes, it just points toward growth, uncertainty, or something that matters deeply to you.
When you stop trying to silence anxiety and start getting curious about what it’s trying to say, you unlock the door to emotional freedom.
One Love Collective/Therapy-to-Go Bundle:
- Grounding Exercises
- Anxiety Reframes That Actually Work
- Anxiety Scripts for Self-Talk
- Boundary Checklist for When Anxiety is Making Your Decisions
- The Anxiety Audit: A 7-Day Anxiety Tracker
- The Values-Driven Action Map: Stop letting anxiety steer. Start choosing from your values instead.
- Worry vs Planning Worksheet
Buy the bundle now for $10 and get all the above. OR join Abby’s One Love Collective for only $8/month, and get a Therapy-to-Go Bundle for each episode, plus ad-free episodes of the podcast, live Q&A’s with Dr. Abby, and access to an amazing community that’s all about real growth.
Resources for Anxiety Isn’t the Enemy: How to Know When Worry is Actually Working for You
Buy the Bundle for this episode
Five Steps to Stop Ruminating and Repetitive Negative Thinking
How to Stop Overthinking and Let Things Go That Bother You
Emotional Triggers: Understanding Your Brain and How to Keep It In Check
Seven Powerful Techniques to Breathe Yourself to Calm
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, DSM-5
