How to Stop Taking It Personally: 5 Steps to Listen Without Getting Defensive (Podcast Episode 338)

It’s not hard to stay calm and open when someone is complimenting your outfit or thanking you for dinner. But when they’re disappointed in you? Hurt by something you said? Frustrated by a mistake you made? That’s when your brain shifts into protect mode. And suddenly, instead of listening, you’re defending, explaining, or withdrawing. Defensiveness is one of the biggest barriers to connection, whether it’s with your partner, your boss, your best friend, or your teenager. But if you can learn to manage your internal response to criticism, or even perceived criticism, you can show up differently in every relationship you care about. Today we’ll talk about why you get defensive; you’ll be able to take a quiz to identify your defense style and, of course, I’ll share my five steps to listen without getting defensive.

Click here to read the full blog and show notes!

For the One Love Collective Community 

Tier I:

• Journaling Prompts
• Defensiveness Myth-Buster
• Conversation Repair Scripts

Tier II:

• Future Self Letter
• Conversation Prep Checklist
• Repair Ritual Template: Four Steps When Things Go Off the Rails 

Tier III

• Self-Compassion Scripts for Triggered Moments
• Trigger Tracker Worksheet
• Defense Mechanisms and Your Family of Origin

Get all the above for just $8! Click here to buy the bundle.

Resources for How to Stop Taking It Personally: 5 Steps to Listen Without Getting Defensive

Join Abby’s One Love Collective on Patreon!

Get the bundle for this episode for only $8!

How Your Attachment Style Affects Your Personal Relationships

How to Set Intentions in Just 18 Seconds (aka The 18-Second Shift)

The Four Reasons Why Self-Awareness is the Most Important Thing in Your Relationship

Being Curious Will Improve All Your Relationships: Here’s How to Do It

The Secret to Managing Emotions: A Step-by-Step Guide

How To Heal Yourself Emotionally: Mastering Self-Regulation for a Happier Life

How to Listen Without Getting Defensive or Hurt

Mindfulness Starter Kit

Brehm, S. S., & Brehm, J. W. (1981). Psychological reactance: A theory of freedom and control. New York: Academic Press.

Porges, Stephen W. The polyvagal theory: New insights into adaptive reactions of the autonomic nervous system, Cleveland Clinic Journal of Medicine Feb 2009, 76 (4 suppl 2) S86-S90; DOI: 10.3949/ccjm.76.s2.17

Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change. The Guilford Press.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts