Nothing in a relationship is “fair” or equal if you look at it from a time perspective. The problem with looking at your relationship from a time perspective is that it doesn’t take into account the value of what’s being done, irrespective of time. I’m going to teach you the secret to focusing on the real value of your partner today.
I call this the lions and hyenas effect. You know how in a pride of lions the females do the majority of the work? The lionesses hunt and care for the young which takes up a majority of their waking hours. Meanwhile, the males are sleeping and lying around. Seems unfair, no?
Well, it’s really not. You see, those lions have a few very important jobs which are vital to the survival of the pride, but they just don’t take as much time as the jobs the lionesses have. The males are all about defending and fighting when those hyenas come around. This is a big job and it’s no less crucial than what the females do. The fact that they don’t have to do it as much as the females have to hunt is inconsequential to the survival of the pride.
Think of your own home. You and your partner both do things for the family, but it likely takes up very different amounts of time or energy. Regardless of the time you put in, both of your “jobs” are valuable.
It’s not about the hour to hour: it’s about how your partner makes you feel. What else do you get from your partner that’s valuable besides their time? I always say that if you could hire someone to do the thing (like grocery shopping) than this isn’t what makes you feel special with your partner so don’t focus on it!
Don’t look at quantitative stuff like time spent, money earned or the amount of things your partner does. Instead, focus on the qualitative stuff: how does your partner make you feel? What value do they contribute to you and your household outside of things you can count? What’s actually most important to you?
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To really cement in all this learning today, I want you to find 15 minutes and complete the My Partner’s Real Value Quicksheet I’ve created. This will really help you put the focus where it needs to be to create lasting change in your relationship!