HOW TO DEAL WITH PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE

Whether it’s a backhanded compliment, a guilt trip, martyrdom, or that sarcastic comment, it’s always annoying and frustrating to deal with someone who’s being passive aggressive.

Or maybe you’ve gotten the cold shoulder freeze out or the shoulder shrug (huh? I don’t know what you’re talking about) or someone who just procrastinates on doing what you’ve asked.

No matter how it shows up, passive aggressive behavior gets in the way of any connection, intimacy or trust. My goal today is that you’ll walk away with a better understanding of what’s really going on when someone acts this way and some actionable tools to do something about it. Listen up if you’re ready to stop feeling frustrated and stuck and start feeling empowered.

What you should know about passive aggressive behavior:

To deal with someone who’s being passive aggressive, you first have to truly understand what’s really going on.

When someone is passive aggressive, they’re letting you know a few things:

  1. They’re angry but don’t want to talk about it.
  2. They’ve got low self-esteem.
  3. They learned it from their family.

How Can I Be Sure Someone’s Being Passive Aggressive?

  1. Pay attention to how you feel. If your partner is saying one thing, but you feel another, then pay attention to this mixed message and “trust your gut.”
  2. It feels mean. If they’re giving you “feedback” but it never feels loving and might even feel downright rude, dismissive and highly critical.
  3. They tell you you’re crazy. A big sign is when the other person is clearly upset but denies any anger, frustration or sadness.
  4. They’re not satisfied and keep bringing up an issue even after it’s been resolved. Since they’re not saying what they really need (and likely don’t even know) they’ll agree to something but they’re unhappy about it so keep poking at you later about it. They say one thing (“It’s fine – I totally get it”) but then act out in some way because they’re really NOT fine with it but don’t realize it. They end up with a ton of resentment and frustration and you can’t understand why.
  5. They consistently take the easier way out with feelings. Passive aggressive people will do just about anything to avoid a feeling (especially anger). They’ll escape into long hours of video games or social media, act addictively with alcohol, drugs, food or spending and will even have affairs – all to avoid dealing with people and situations in their lives.
  6. They mask anger with other things too. If someone is consistently acting like a victim, withholding (praise, love, attention), pouting, unreliable or sarcastic, they just might be passive aggressive.

Tips for Dealing with Passive Aggressive People

Once you’ve identified what’s happening, you’re going to want to do something about it. The key is to have clear boundaries and consistency.

  1. Call them on it but with questions, not statements!
  2. Help them identify their anger.
  3. Hold boundaries with a loving intent.
  4. Say how you feel.
  5. Tell them to ask for what they want.
  6. Don’t take it personally.

 

Do you like my podcast? Then it would be so helpful if you left a review! Here’s how:

  1. Launch Apple’s Podcast app on your mobile device (you can also find it in your app store).
  2. Use the search field to search for Relationships Made Easy with Dr. Abby Medcalf and tap on it.
  3. Scroll down until you see Write a Review – tap on it to leave your review!

 Ready to find out what goes on inside that crazy mind of Abby’s? 

Subscribe & Review in iTunes
Are you subscribed to my podcast yet? Well, what are you waiting for? You know you want to make your relationship awesome and getting a weekly reminder on specific ways to do just that is a perfect way to get there! Click here to subscribe in iTunes
 
If you’re up for giving me some extra love, I’d be so very grateful if you’d leave me a review over on iTunes too (make iTunes a link). Reviews help other people find my podcast and they’re also fun for me to go in and read. Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let me know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you so much!
Dr. Abby with her Book "Be Happily Married, Even If Your Partner Won't Do A Thing"

GRAB MY BOOK!

Create a happy, connected relationship, even if your partner won’t do a thing! Get my Amazon #1 best-selling book: Be Happily Married Even if Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing.

Relationships Made Easy with Dr. Abby Medcalf Podcast

SIGN UP FOR MY NEWSLETTER

Get your weekly dose of inspiration to keep you on track!

Relationships Made Easy with Dr. Abby Medcalf Podcast

GET MY FREE COMMUNICATION TOOL KIT!

Build a connected, loving relationship with the FREE Communication Tool Kit for Couples.

READ MY ARTICLES FOR MY TOP RELATIONSHIP TIPS AND TOOLS!

Most Popular Episodes

GOT FAMILY STRESS? HOW TO NOT GET TRIGGERED BY FAMILY

GOT FAMILY STRESS? HOW TO NOT GET TRIGGERED BY FAMILY

Are you dealing with family stress? Lashing out at your mom for that condescending thing she said? Feeling guilty that you’re avoiding your dad because he drives you crazy? Today you’re going to learn my top three tips to not get triggered by family so you can find...

HOW TO DEAL WITH TOXIC FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

HOW TO DEAL WITH TOXIC FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

What do you do when an extended family member is creating a toxic atmosphere at family gatherings? How do you draw boundaries and feel seen and heard when dealing with toxic family relationships? I'm going deep on this question in today's episode! Ask Dr. Abby is the...

Dr. Abby Medcalf's weekly newsletter

Get your weekly dose of inspiration to keep you on track!

Subscribe today to get my weekly thoughts, best practices and funny stories (you won’t believe my life!). This weekly reminder will keep you motivated to stay on the path to creating connected, happy relationships (especially the one with yourself)!

Get your weekly love letter with all things Abby and life

Subscribe today to get my weekly thoughts, best practices and funny stories (you won’t believe my life!). This weekly reminder will keep you on the path to creating connected, happy relationships (especially the one with yourself)!

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Get your weekly newsletter with all things Abby and life

Subscribe today to get my weekly thoughts, best practices and funny stories (you won’t believe my life!). This weekly reminder will keep you on the path to creating connected, happy relationships (especially the one with yourself)!

You have Successfully Subscribed!