When it comes to positive thinking you’ve likely got two big problems that I’m going to help you solve today:
- You’re in a negative space too often and that’s affecting your relationships. Maybe your negative thinking has you feeling depressed, anxious, impatient or easily frustrated. This, of course, impacts everything from your communication to your connection in all your relationships.
- You get into a negative space because of other people’s negative energy and emotions or because you start worrying about what other people are thinking. Then you start to spin and there you go down the negative thinking spiral!
Last week I told you about the Goodbye Negative Thinking Trinity and we discussed the first pillar, which was starting your day with positive momentum. No worries if you haven’t listened yet, because all the podcasts stand on their own – you can go back and check that out when you’re ready.
Today and next week we’re going to discuss the next two pillars, which both relate to thinking more positively (which, of course, means you can’t be thinking negatively in that moment). If you’ve had issues with “positive thinking” before – again, no worries! I’m going to teach you in these next two weeks the big mistakes you’ve been making and how to correct it so positive thinking is easier.
As I said last week, you want to start your day with positive momentum. Ideally, you don’t want to wait until you feel crappy or notice that you’re thinking negatively and then try to stop it because that’s the toughest way to approach stopping negative thinking and why you’ve failed in the past!
Instead, you want to jump right in with that positive momentum. Last week I gave you some specifics about momentum and how to avoid the pitfalls of starting your day off negatively.
Today, we’re going to take that a step further and talk about the second pillar of the Goodbye Negative Thinking Trinity, which is calibration.
What the Heck is Calibration?
What if I told you that you’re indestructible and immortal? Well, in a very real way, you are. Your body is comprised of matter (or mass) and energy, neither of which can be destroyed. The first Law of Thermodynamics says that energy can be changed from one form or another, but it can’t be created or destroyed. The energy we’re talking about here in your body are electrical signals and impulses and your chemical reactions. In fact, at any given time, you’re putting out about 20 watts of energy, which is enough to power a light bulb!
The law of conservation states that mass is neither created nor destroyed. Since matter is anything that occupies space and has mass (like your body), it also gets included here. Now, I’m not going to get into the huge debate about what that means for how you got here, but I am going to talk about what that means now that you’re here walking around!
The universe itself is a closed system, so how much energy is in existence today has always been the same; it’s just the forms the energy takes that are constantly in flux and changing.
This can all get pretty psychedelic if you think that your great grandpa is still around in some form (yikes – did he see me in the shower this morning?!) But I find that understanding the science gives me comfort. I’m going to share a quick excerpt from an interview on NPR, by physicist Aaron Freemen, who explains this way better (and way more eloquently) than me.
“You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed.
You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got.
And at one point you’d hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you.
And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.
You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they’ll be comforted to know your energy’s still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you’re just less orderly.
Now, all of this isn’t to say that I want to die! I’ll wait to deal with that new combination of my energy and matter at a later date, thank you. But it does mean I want to live and live happily. And to do that I need to be clear that I’m an energetic being and that I need to be in charge of my energy and vibration.
And obviously this applies to you – you’re also an energetic being that vibrates. I know all the “law of attraction” stuff might feel like woo to you, but it’s grounded in hard science (although not maybe the way it’s been interpreted in the past and I plan to rectify that today).
The Universe is a Closed System, but Humans are Open Systems
So, as I mentioned, the universe is a closed system but ecosystems, like your body, are open systems. Because we’re an open system, we’re always exchanging energy with our environment. You can therefore gain energy or lose it by how you’re interacting with yourself and your environment.
Let that sink in a moment. I’m telling you about the science here because what I’m about to teach you isn’t “woo,” but it might sound like it. What I’m teaching you today is grounded in science and it’s definitely time you became a believer in the facts. What you do each day, how you think, and who you interact with, will all determine whether you’re gaining energy or losing it.
Have you ever felt drained after talking with a particular person? Have you ever been to an exciting concert or sporting event and left feeling buzzed or high even if you never touched a mood-altering substance? Have you ever worked on a project and the time just flew by because you were so engaged?
Remember, everything is in constant vibration and motion, from planets to people to rocks. Ultimately, all matter is just vibrations that we’re engaging with in some form or another.
Over the last decade, Jonathan Schooler and Tam Hunt of the University of California, Santa Barbara, have developed a “resonance theory of consciousness,” which basically says that our consciousness is based on synchronized vibrations.
What they found is that when differently vibrating things or processes get close to one another, they eventually start to vibrate at the same frequency. Science calls it the phenomenon of spontaneous self-organization. The rest of us call it “syncing up” or calibrating, which is the tool I’m going to teach you today.
Remember the two problems getting in the way of you thinking positively that I mentioned at the start of the podcast?
- You’re in a negative space too often and that’s affecting your relationships, or
- You get into a negative space because of other people’s negative energy and emotions or because you start worrying about what other people are thinking. Then you start to spin and there you go down the negative thinking spiral!
Either way, calibration is your answer! And it’s easier than you think.
What happens in your day is that you start to calibrate to other people and situations. The goal is for you to be the dominant (positive) vibration in the room. Instead of calibrating to others, which is a fear-based model (people pleasing, codependency, low self-esteem, no self-confidence, self-consciousness) you have others calibrate to a positive state with you.
Calibrating first thing in the morning (getting that positive momentum going) and then as often as needed during the day, is the key to true “positive” thinking.
Negative Thinking Helps You See What You Do Want
I don’t want you to be afraid of any negative thinking during your day. Instead, I want you to reframe it as a signal to calibrate. Because, when you’re seeing or feeling what you don’t want, it’s a signal that you need to think about what you do want. Think of it as a reminder for now, not a fact.
The yin/yang symbol has been around for centuries for a reason. Instead of being afraid of the negative and lower-vibrational spaces, think of these negative “yin” influences highlighting the positive “yang” you want. If there was no dark, we wouldn’t know light.
When you feel a negative emotion, you’re calibrating to something you don’t want. So, think of its opposite, or what you do want, and calibrate to that.
Be the Dominant Vibration in the Room
As you focus on others, let that be a reminder to focus on yourself. As you notice someone else’s pain, negativity, or fear – focus on making sure you’re not in that same space. Don’t try to calibrate to other people. Don’t try to get them to like you, understand you, or listen to you. Don’t focus on “keeping them happy” or not rocking the boat. This is you trying to calibrate to them, and it never works. This is grasping, fear-based energy and, ultimately, it leads to negative self-talk, doubt and even self-loathing.
Be the dominant vibration in the room. Have others calibrate to you! Expect understanding, love and listening. Expect great communication, interaction, opportunities and laughter.
Walk into any situation with your calibration intact!
You might think it’s hard to calibrate, but it’s not. It’s a matter of what you think about consistently. As a matter of fact, you’re calibrating all the time, it’s just not usually in the direction you want. In a negative way you calibrate to
- Your partner’s bad mood
- The bills sitting on your desk
- The project due tomorrow
- Something you’ve procrastinated on
The mistake people make when calibrating is that they try to calibrate to something they don’t believe (this is where positive thinking fails)!
For example, you’re mad at your husband and you try to calibrate to a vision of the two of you super happy together but you can’t imagine that yet so it doesn’t work. Instead, find something that you can easily calibrate to:
- A sunset
- Your child’s laughter
- A delicious meal
- A good night’s sleep
- Those seashells sitting on your shelf that you collected on your last vacation
You can get from where you are to where you want to be, you just can’t get there all at once. You can’t go from a thought like, “My boss is such an asshole!” to “I’m so grateful for my boss and she’s really doing the best job she can” because you’re taking too big of a leap.
So you might think something like, “I’m stuck.”
I want you to soften that statement. You could go to:
- “I’ll figure it out.”
- “I’ve already figured out x, I already do x well, so I can figure out this too”
A belief is just a thought you’ve had over and over again. With any of these thoughts and beliefs, I want you to think about what they mean.
If you say you want to feel less stuck, what does that mean? But state that in what you want, not what you don’t want:
- I want to feel a little freer
- I want to feel more relaxed, open, trusting, joyful
- I want to feel that I can do what I say
Don’t say things like:
- I want to stop screwing up (stating what you don’t want, not what you do want)
- I want to feel different (too general)
Remember that what you think about grows. The more you think about something, the more momentum you give to that thing. To slow the momentum of negative or unwanted beliefs and thoughts, you’ve got to be more general in your thoughts. This is one step at a time.
Focus on the Emotions, Not the Details!
The way to be more general in your thoughts is to focus on it on an emotional basis rather than a detailed basis. You can do that with this 2-step process:
1. Name a belief or way of thinking that’s been hindering you.
Maybe you’re single right now and you’re thinking:
I’m going to be alone forever. I’m going to be making dinner for one for the rest of my life. I’m going to die alone. I hate feeling so lonely all the time.
2. What’s the emotion that best describes how that belief or those thoughts make you feel?
Fear. Panic. Depression. Frustration. Jealousy of others who have it or maybe resentment with a past partner
Don’t talk about the “conditions” or the facts of a given situation because focusing on them is going to give them more momentum and reinforce your bad feelings.
Instead, get back to the emotions which are more general: the fear, panic, depression, frustration, jealousy and resentment.
I’d like to do a quick exercise with you right now to show you what I mean and for you to see how quickly you can align positively.
Here are a few quick questions, and I’d like you to answer them out loud:
- Do you prefer the feeling of fear or the feeling of love?
- Do you prefer panic or serenity?
- Do you prefer depression or joy?
- Do you prefer anxiety or clarity?
- Do you prefer frustration or patience?
- Do you prefer jealousy or abundance?
- Do you prefer resentment or peace?
- Do you prefer fear or calm?
Notice how you feel right now. That’s alignment. That’s calibration to the higher emotion and higher vibrational state.
And this is my free gift for you today! I’ve recorded this Calibration Exercise so you can listen to it every morning and get your vibration to that higher state!
From now on, take the discomfort of anxiety and worry as a signal that you’re thinking the wrong thoughts – that you’re out of alignment with who you really are!
It’s only your negative thoughts and beliefs that keeps you trapped in the negative thinking cycle. When you stop focusing on the beliefs that don’t serve you, you can live in this alignment all the time because this is your natural state of being. This is who you are!
I’ve been a student of Abraham and Esther Hicks since about 1987. Abraham is a name given to “a group consciousness from the non-physical dimension” who speak through a woman named Esther Hicks. She doesn’t describe it as channeling but says that she interprets what this collective group is saying into words that the rest of us can hear.
Yeah, yeah, you might find this super woo, but I’ve been listening for decades now and their words and teachings have not only changed my life, but I’ve found that these teachings are rooted in science at the end of the day (as I’ve taught today).
I learned this term, “calibration” and the technique of how to use it from Abraham and I’m grateful, always, for all I’ve learned and been able to “interpret” or “channel” myself so that more people can learn from these tools
The Cork Floats
Abraham teaches something really cool about all these vibrational ways of being. They basically say that you don’t have to hold your vibration at a higher level. It’s naturally floating at a higher level! It’s your beliefs that push it down – that’s why it feels like a struggle because you’re moving against a natural force. They talk about this like a cork that always easily floats – if you hold it down, but then let go, it will naturally bob to the surface. You’re holding it down – you’re going against the flow and nature when you think the negative thoughts – a belief is just a thought you’ve had over and over again. So, have new thoughts that go with that cork bobbing on the surface!
