Are you finding it hard to trust and connect with your partner because they avoid difficult conversations or lie to you about how they’re really feeling to avoid upsetting you? Then today’s show is for you! I’m answering another question from a listener with this exact problem and giving my top tips for creating connection!
Ask Dr. Abby is the advice segment of the Relationships Made Easy podcast. Submit questions to [email protected]. (I keep it anonymous!)
Dear Dr. Abby,
I’m in a dynamic where my husband will lie to me to manage my emotions. He expects constant peace and happiness and avoids uncomfortable emotions. He doesn’t want to see me sad and just wants a happy, peaceful evening. For me this feels fake and doesn’t allow us to have a deep, intimate connection.
I understand this need in him. Only certain emotions must have been allowed in his family, and I suspect that everyone was expected to be happy. I can imagine he doesn’t trust me, otherwise he would be more open and vulnerable.
I don’t how to change myself to receive more honesty from him. I also don’t know how to set up consequences for this behavior of his and acknowledge that there must be something about me that needs to change. It’s gotten to the point for me that I even question it if he says he loves me. I don’t feel safe with him, and the fact that he lies to me shows that he doesn’t trust or feel safe with me, which he would deny.
I know that my negativity bias is in play and that there is also truth in what I’m feeling. I no longer know what to believe that he tells me and logically know that he is truthful about plenty of things. I’m fighting this negativity bias and negative sentiment. I just no longer know if I can have faith in what he tells me and I don’t know what to do. Could you do a deep dive on dishonesty and how to overcome lying in a relationship?
-Don’t Trust My Husband