Do the Love Languages Really Work?

With Valentine’s Day around the corner in about 30 countries around the world, I thought it would be an excellent time to talk about Gary Chapman’s love languages. Let me say first that I’m not a Gary Chapman hater, and I think the Love Languages quiz can be fun and a little informative. However, this is not a one-size-fits-all theory and I’ve definitely found times that it’s even been detrimental for my clients. Today I’m going to answer your burning questions about the five love languages. What are they exactly and do they really work? Is there any research to support Chapman’s theory? Is there something better you should be using to align your wants and needs with your partner? Stay tuned while I answer all that and more.

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Resources and Research for Do the Love Languages Really Work?

Episode 253: How to Make All Your Relationships Great

Episode 254:The Seven Habits of Intimate Relationships Backed By Research

How to Make Mindfulness a Habit

Mindfulness Starter Kit

Surijah, E. A., & Septiarly, Y. L. (2016). Construct Validation of Five Love Languages. ANIMA Indonesian Psychological Journal, 31(2), 65-76. https://doi.org/10.24123/aipj.v31i2.565

Nichole Egbert & Denise Polk (2006) Speaking the Language of Relational Maintenance: A Validity Test of Chapman’s (1992) Five Love Languages, Communication Research Reports, 23:1, 19-26, DOI: 10.1080/17464090500535822

Rudy C. Pett, Priscilla A. Lozano & Sarah Varga (2023) Revisiting the Languages of Love: An Empirical Test of the Validity Assumptions Underlying Chapman’s (2015) Five Love Languages Typology, Communication Reports, 36:1, 54-67, DOI: 10.1080/08934215.2022

BUNT, S., & HAZELWOOD, Z. J. (2017). Walking the walk, talking the talk: Love languages, self-regulation, and relationship satisfaction. Personal Relationships, 24(2), 280-290. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12182

Bland, A. M., & McQueen, K. S. (2018). The distribution of Chapman’s love languages in couples: An exploratory cluster analysis. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, 7(2), 103–126. https://doi.org/10.1037/cfp0000102

Mostova, O., Stolarski, M., & Matthews, G. (2022). I love the way you love me: Responding to partner’s love language preferences boosts satisfaction in romantic heterosexual couples. PLOS ONE, 17(6), e0269429. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0269429

Nichols, A., Riffe, J., Kaczor, C., Cook, A., Crum, G., Hoover, A., Peck, T., & Smith, R. (2018). The Five Love Languages Program: An Exploratory Investigation Points to Improvements in Relationship Functioning. Journal of Human Sciences and Extension, 6(3), 3. DOI: https://doi.org/10.54718/VBDZ5406

Cutrona, C. E., & Russell, D. W. (2017). Autonomy promotion, responsiveness, and emotion regulation promote effective social support in times of stress. Current Opinion in Psychology, 13, 126-130. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.07.002

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