We all want to feel better about ourselves. We want to feel confident about our way in the world and let go of the negative self-talk, anxiety, and self-consciousness. Having higher self-esteem and confidence are linked to more robust physical and mental health, less pain with failure or rejection, more resiliency and less vulnerability to anxiety.

In general, confident people are more positive, they believe in themselves and their abilities (self-efficacy), and they want to live their lives to the fullest. They’re not ruled by fear, self-consciousness and what others think. They’re ruled by their own internal compass. They might ask opinions and gather data but, at the end of the day, they follow their internal guidance system.

Today I’m going to teach you:

  • The important ways self-confidence and self-esteem are linked
  • Why those affirmations and positive thoughts haven’t worked in the past
  • My top 8 tips for building up both in your life
  • Oh, and since a lot of people mix up self-confidence with self-esteem, I’ve got a great Self-Confidence Quiz for you!

Top Take-A-Ways:

To build your self-confidence effectively, you have to understand that there are two main players: self-efficacy and self-esteem (hence the link between the two).

Self-esteem and self-confidence are connected because when you like who you are, your self-esteem goes up and this makes you more confident. When you’re confident in different parts of your life, you improve your overall self-esteem.

Since they feed one another, you’ve got to work on both at the same time. Basically, the more you can change your negative self-talk and the more you focus on areas where you’re confident and believe in yourself, the higher both your self-confidence and self-esteem will become.

Why Affirmations/Positive Thoughts Haven’t Worked

As you just learned, self-confidence is a combination of self-efficacy and self-esteem. Affirmations are only working on one part of the equation. So, in addition to the affirmations and positive self-talk, you need to simultaneously work on building your “I can do it!” muscles.

Top 8 Tips for Improving Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence

Tip #1: Ask a Friend

If you’re having trouble thinking of an area you’re confident about, ask three people what they think you excel in.

Tip #2: List a Win Every Single Day.

Each night, before you go to bed, think back on your day and identify one win.

Tip #3: Accept that Compliment

Learning to accept compliments, for real, is a great way to boost confidence and self-esteem.

Tip #4: Stop the Negative Self-Talk

Don’t believe everything you think. You’ve got to notice that negative chatter in your head and consistently stop it in its tracks.

Tip #5: You Do You

It’s time to stop comparing! Comparing yourself to others is one of the quickest routes to depression, low self-esteem, low confidence and basically feeling like poop. Focus on your own goals and achievements without comparing them to anyone else’s.

Tip #6: Focus on Your Strengths

Focus solely on yourself and what feels right to you. We all have different strengths – play from those, NOT your limitations. Instead of trying to get better at what you’re not good at, start focusing and building what you are good at.

Tip #7: Speak Up!

You can’t be passive and build your self-esteem and self-confidence. When you don’t speak up and express yourself, you’re putting the control outside of yourself. Think about it, why aren’t you saying what you want? It’s because you’re afraid of what others will think or afraid of what their reaction will be.

Tip #8: Question Your Inner Critic and Answer with Self-Compassion 

Without a doubt, some of the meanest, harshest comments come from your very own mind. And your inner critic isn’t just a judgmental jerk, they’re also WRONG and woefully inaccurate!

Resources and Links:

 Dr. Glenn Schiraldi, The Self-Esteem Workbook

Podcast #19: Make Your Relationship Awesome by Focusing on the Bright Spots

Podcast #77: How to Get Out of Negative Thinking


Enter your name and email below to receive the Self-Confidence Quiz I created just for you!

 Ready to find out what goes on inside that crazy mind of Abby’s? 

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