Last week I chatted with you about the juncture of self-esteem and self-confidence.

Today I’m going to teach you:

  • The three components of self-compassion
  • Why it’s so important to your love life (and all your relationships)
  • Why some think it’s even more important than your self-esteem
  • A top tip to become more self-compassionate in just minutes a day

Top Take-A-Ways:

Kristin Neff is the Queen of self-compassion. If you don’t know about her stuff, you need to. Her research is impeccable and compelling.

In some of her more recent work she’s talked about how self-compassion is even more important than self-esteem. She posits that if you work on self-compassion, it will naturally flow that you’ll build your confidence and self-esteem.

Neff says, “Self-compassion is about relating to ourselves kindly, as we are, flaws and all.”

When you’re self-compassionate, you’re able to see the difference between making a bad decision and being a bad person. You understand that your worth is unconditional on a situation, something you said or thoughts you might have.

Neff outlines three core components to Self-Compassion:

  1. Self-kindness: the idea here is that we treat ourselves as we would our best friend; with understanding, compassion, patience, empathy and gentleness (instead of being critical and judgmental).
  2. Recognizing our common humanity: this is all about feeling connected with others instead of feeling isolated. We all have struggles and you’re not so different. It’s not, how am I different than others? It’s how am I the same as others? Our struggles connect us to others, not distance ourselves from others.
  3. Mindfulness: Don’t ignore your pain and also don’t exaggerate it. Instead, be in the moment with what’s real.

Neff says, “Self-compassion is not a way of judging ourselves positively, it’s a way of relating to ourselves kindly.”

Resources and Links:

Exercises for self-compassion

Self-compassion test


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