should i break up

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Is your relationship worth saving? Have you been wrestling over The Clash’s epic line, “Should I stay or should I go?” Yes, this indecision is bugging you! The waffling back and forth, the feeling of uncertainty is the worst. You don’t want to regret you want to be 100% confident that breaking up (or staying) is the right decision. In my over 30 years of working with couples, I’ve identified a five-step process you should be thinking about first if you’re wondering whether you should stay or go.

These five steps will help you create a new way of thinking and being in your relationship so you can move forward with confident, clear decisions and no regrets, no matter which way you ultimately choose to go.

Step 1: You have to make a full commitment

 Your partner doesn’t hear what you say, they hear what you mean.

Step 2: Re-program Your RAS

If you really want to find peace, happiness and connection in your relationship, you need to shift what you’re focusing on and be conscious of the orders you’re giving to your RAS. You can do this by writing down one thing you appreciate about your partner every day or do one random act of kindness for your partner every day for the next week.

Step 3: The one in the most pain needs to change first

If you’re waiting for your partner to change, so you’ll change, it’s not going to work.

Step 4: Make room to really work on the relationship

You’re going to need to make both physical and emotional room in your life to work on your relationship and make it a priority.

Step 5: Work on Yourself Individually and Stay Curious About Your Partner

Doing the work on yourself is a biggie. And, at the same time, stay curious and open with your partner.


The Real Reason Relationships Fail

How to Focus on What’s Right Instead of What’s Wrong in Your Relationship

Keeping Score Makes You Lose

Stop Having Faith in Fear

Willpower and Apps

Dealing with Triggers

How Attached Are You in Your Relationship?

Loving Detachment

3 Steps to Loving Detachment

4 Ways to Be More Self-Aware

How to Make Mindfulness a Consistent Habit


If you’re going to really try to make your relationship work, you’ve got to be fully, 100%, every ounce of your being, committed. To help figure out if you want to make that commitment, download my free Figuring Out Your Commitment worksheet below.

 Ready to find out what goes on inside that crazy mind of Abby’s? 

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