Seven Tips for Dealing with Technology in Your Relationships

Whether you call it technoference, phubbing, or just plain annoying, dealing with technology in our relationships can be challenging. From over 50 years of research, we know that the quality of our social connections is the number one predictor of our happiness. We also know from the research that email, social media, online gaming, and texting are poor substitutes for those crucial in-person interactions that help us feel secure and happy. Since smartphones, social media, and other technology are pervasive and universal, how do we find the balance? Today I’m sharing all the things you need to know about how technologies are impacting your relationships and my top seven tips for finding balance and connection instead.

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Resources for Dealing with Technology in Your Relationships

Mindfulness Starter Kit

Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing by Dr. Abby Medcalf

How to Make Mindfulness a Consistent Habit

Mindfulness Hacks

Research Dealing with Technology in Your Relationships

Carter, Christine. “Happiness is being socially connected,” Greater Good Magazine, October 31, 2008

Nguyen, M. H., Gruber, J., Marler, W., Hunsaker, A., Fuchs, J., & Hargittai, E. (2022). Staying connected while physically apart: Digital communication when face-to-face interactions are limited. New Media & Society, 24(9), 2046–2067.

Newson, M., Zhao, Y., Zein, M. E., Sulik, J., Dezecache, G., Deroy, O., & Tunçgenç, B. (2021). Digital contact does not promote wellbeing, but face-to-face contact does: A cross-national survey during the COVID-19 pandemic. New Media & Society, 0(0).

“National Survey Reveals 62% of Kids Think Parents Are Too Distracted to Listen,” PR Newswire, October 8, 2014.

Vogels, Emily A. and Anderson, Monica. “Dating and Relationships in the Digital Age,” Pew Research Center, May 8, 2020.

McDaniel, Brandon T., Drouin, Michelle. “Daily technology interruptions and emotional and relational well-being,” Computers in Human Behavior, Volume 99, 2019, Pages 1-8.

Roberts, James A, David, Meredith E. “My life has become a major distraction from my cell phone: Partner phubbing and relationship satisfaction among romantic partners,”Computers in Human Behavior, Volume 54, 2016, Pages 134-141.

Misra, Shalini & Cheng, Lulu & Genevie, Jamie & Yuan, Miao. (2014). “The iPhone Effect: The Quality of In-Person Social Interactions in the Presence of Mobile Devices.” Environment and Behavior. 48(2)

Przybylski, A. K., & Weinstein, N. (2013). Can you connect with me now? How the presence of mobile communication technology influences face-to-face conversation quality. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 30(3), 237–246.

Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other by Sherry Turkle

Dwyer, Ryan J, Kushlev, Kostadin, Dunn, Elizabeth W. “Smartphone use undermines enjoyment of face-to-face social interactions,” Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, Volume 78, 2018, Pages 233-239.

Chotpitayasunondh, Varoth, Douglas. Karen M., The effects of “phubbing” on social interaction, Journal of Applied Social Psychology, March 25, 2018.

Hofmann, W., Vohs, K. D., & Baumeister, R. F. (2012). “What People Desire, Feel Conflicted About, and Try to Resist in Everyday Life.” Psychological Science, 23(6), 582–588.

Brooks, Arthur C. “Technology Can Make Your Relationships Shallower,” The Atlantic, September 30, 2022.

Kardas, Michael, Kumar, Amit, Epley, Nicholas. “Overly shallow?: Miscalibrated expectations create a barrier to deeper conversation,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, March 2022.

Coyne, Sarah M., Padilla-Walker, Laura M.,  Holmgren, Hailey G.  “A Six-Year Longitudinal Study of Texting Trajectories During Adolescence,” Child Development, Volume 89, Issue1 January/February 2018 Pages 58-65.

Pollmann, Monique M.H., Norman, Tyler J., Crockett, Erin E. “A daily-diary study on the effects of face-to-face communication, texting, and their interplay on understanding and relationship satisfaction,” Computers in Human Behavior Reports, Volume 3, 2021.

“How Video Games Impact Marriage and Divorce,” Goldberg Jones, July 12, 2022.

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