In my 40 years of experience, I’ve worked with bus drivers, billionaires, movie stars, and stay-at-home parents. I’ve worked with people who are depressed, anxious and have ADHD. And I can tell you that the one thing everyone has in common is that they often struggle with feeling ineffective in their day-to-day life. I always say that the most important relationship you have is the one with yourself. When you don’t feel effective in your day, you beat yourself up, resulting in lowered self-esteem. Let’s change all that! Today I’m teaching you three simple habits to structure and plan your day so you can be effective, productive and calm. Get ready for a whole new way of thinking about your day so you can kick some ass!
18-minute read
Introduction
Let me say first that one size can never fit all. But let me also say that I have literally worked with thousands of people from just about every walk of life you can imagine, and what I’m going to teach you today has worked for the vast majority of them! As you listen today, notice if you’re immediately saying, “I can’t do that.” Many of my clients started out saying the same thing but then found that they could. I know you might be sitting there thinking you’re a special case or no one has your unique issues, but I’m here to tell you that nothing is impossible for 99.9% of you listening right now.
In fact, if you’re together enough to know you have an issue, this will likely work for you. I want you to stop right now (really) and take a long slow breath in and then exhale even more slowly. Allow your brain to settle. Notice if you’re feeling anxious or defensive. It’s OK if you are, but you’re going to need to let that go. I want you to listen like the story you’ve told yourself about how it’s different for you or that you “just can’t” isn’t actually true and listen like you can absolutely do everything I’m going to discuss today.
I also want you to know that these habits apply whether you work in an office or remotely, are a stay-at-home parent, retired, in some kind of transition, or a student. Whatever it is that you do (or don’t do) all day, what I’m teaching today will help you be more productive, effective and calm.
Lastly, I believe that everyone should begin their day in a very specific way. I go deep into that in an earlier episode/post called Abby’s Step-By-Step Guide to Starting Your Day Right. I get super nitty gritty on, literally, what you should be doing in the moments after waking up so you can set yourself up for a successful day. Please make sure you check that out and create a consistent morning routine.
Before I get to the habits, you need a new philosophy or a new way of thinking about your day.
You Don’t Have a Time Management Problem. You Have an Attention Management Problem.
Yup. The first thing to understand is that the entire issue is around attention management. Those of you with ADHD might be panicking right now, but please don’t! I’ve applied these tools in individual and corporate settings, and they are incredibly effective for those of you struggling with many mental health issues, such as anxiety, ADHD and depression.
The way you’re operating in your day right now is an issue because you’re allowing too many distractions, and you haven’t learned (yet) how to manage your attention within your day. For example, being on your phone (or similar electronics) is distracting you from your life in a major way. When you check your phone, it leads to dopamine surges. With every notification, like, follow, email check, instant message, or match on a dating app, you get a hit of dopamine. Your brain drives for dopamine, so it’s motivated to do all these things over and over again. The problem is that the satisfaction doesn’t last when you get these quick dopamine surges, so you keep going back for more and more. Your technology ends up controlling you, instead of you controlling your technology. You literally become a slave to your phone and crave it when it’s not there. Limiting time with your phone first thing in the morning and during the course of your workday, especially during breaks, will help you exponentially.
Another issue is that using your phone creates decision fatigue and drains your willpower (which you need to keep your attention on the daily agenda you’ve set for yourself)! You’re making decisions a lot when you’re on your phone. Should I like this post? Should I comment or share? Should I read this article right now or wait? Should I look at my email? Should I answer this email now? If so, what should I say? Should I buy this sweater I’m looking at? You get the idea. There are literally hundreds of decisions (if not thousands) added to your day.
- Every time you click on, read, or comment on an article you make a decision
- Every time you like, reply to, or post a social media update you make a decision
- Every time you read, reply to or write an email, you make a decision
- Every time you browse and buy something online you make a decision
- Every time you scroll through the queue on Netflix you make a decision
Find out why your willpower and self-discipline efforts have failed and my top five research-backed tips to have you back in control of your life.
This all adds up to something called decision fatigue. You make your best decisions first thing in the day. As the day goes on, you get worn down and will often make the easiest decision (which is often not the best for you). You’ve had this when you’re at the end of your day trying to decide what to have for dinner. You end up either having difficulty making this decision (it feels like a big chore), or you make poor decisions and eat food you shouldn’t.
All of these decisions can really be looked at as consuming. When you’re looking at social media, emails, and all things internet, you’re consuming. Every day your consumption diet likely includes any of the following:
- Articles on websites
- Emails
- Status updates
- Netflix/YouTube/Hulu
- Podcasts
- Online Shopping
When you look at your phone or electronics early in the day it’s especially damaging because consuming media in the morning scatters your focus and damages your ability to sustain attention on anything later in the day. Ultimately, it prevents you from being able to get into any kind of flow state, which is what you need to work effectively, consistently. You know what a flow state or being in the zone feels like. It’s when you’re fully immersed in something, and you get that feeling of energy and focus in whatever you’re doing. It’s your sweet spot. When you have frequent interruptions, your thoughts get scrambled, your memory is weakened, and you end up feeling tense and anxious, even if you don’t realize it.
Attention Residue
All this excessive consumption results in multitasking and something called attention residue. No one can multitask because you need to stop thinking about one task in order to fully transition your attention and perform well on another. But the research shows that it’s difficult to transition your attention away from an unfinished task, and your performance on the next task actually suffers because part of you is still thinking about the other thing you didn’t finish!
In the end, you end up with attention residue. This attention residue shows up in lots of ways. If you try to do something like sit and read a book after your attention has been jumping around for most the day, it’s hard to stay focused. You might find it difficult to stick with a project or paper you’re working on. You might find yourself being consistently forgetful or having trouble even staying on a small task (have you ever gone into the supermarket for two specific items but left with a bag full of groceries and at least one of those items missing?!)?!
You’re wearing down your willpower with consumption habits all day long and this leads to an inability to resist urges and cravings. So, it’s not only hard to avoid certain foods, you might also find it extremely difficult to get motivated to do things you don’t like such as hitting the gym, cleaning out that closet, working on a paper for school, or getting a project done. You also might find it difficult to muster the energy to do fun things like meet your friends out for dinner on a Thursday night.
Goal Interference
In their amazing book, The Distracted Mind: Ancient Brains in a High-Tech World, authors Adam Gazzaley and Larry Rosen talk about something called goal interference. Goal interference happens when you decide to accomplish a specific goal, like walking into the other room to get your glasses, driving your car, finishing making dinner or reading a chapter in that new self-help book you bought. But something happens that stops you from completing that goal. This can be something internally generated (your wandering thoughts, anxieties, worries, list-making, or annoyances you’re remembering) or something external (the alert on your phone, stepping on a Lego that your kid left out, an ambulance siren, or seeing that the laundry is piling up).
The authors talk about two categories of goal interference:
- Distractions (mind wandering – which is negative most of the time)
- Interruptions (this is basically any time you try to multitask)
The more complex a system is, (like humans), the more complex our goals are. For example, your goals every day are much more complex than your dog’s goals. Here’s the kicker: The more complex the goals, the more susceptible a system is to interference. That’s you. Humans are super susceptible to interference: distractions and interruptions.
Cal Newport who wrote, Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World says, “Both our personal and professional lives are increasingly built around these sources of distraction. From a cognitive perspective, that’s like being an athlete who smokes.”
So, how can you structure and plan your day so you can be effective, productive and calm? By practicing these four habits as consistently as possible.
And I know that as I introduce these habits, some of you will say that your boss won’t allow this, or the type of work you do is constant interruptions, or this won’t work for my situation, and I say (with so much love), you are not the unicorn you think you are.
You need to figure out how to do this even part of the time. I’ve worked with everyone from C-Suite execs to teachers to trial lawyers to students and I can tell you that everyone can make this happen if you shift out of a victim mindset and into what you can make happen. Start with small changes and grow from there.
Habit #1: Put Everything in the Schedule
The not-so-secret, secret is that success is scheduled. End of. Discipline can’t be a scary word for you anymore. Discipline is freedom. Freedom from worry, anxiety, spinning and procrastination. Discipline isn’t rigid or demanding. Instead, it opens the doors to creativity, productivity and feeling energized instead of drained. When you’re not disciplined, you’re a slave to your emotions. You eat foods you shouldn’t; you drink more than you’d like; you’re hitting “add to cart” way more than your wallet wants and you’re not completing the tasks you’ve set.
When you rely on “what you feel like,” you’re relying on your emotions in a moment (which, trust me, almost always want to sit down, eat an Oreo and binge-watch something). When things are scheduled, you’re relying on habit, not motivation. Motivation is a state not a trait. You can’t wait to feel motivated. Once you start, you’ll get more motivated. Action is what creates motivation. And you won’t get that action unless you create a few habits, the first of which is living by a clear schedule.
I know that giving up your “to-do” list is making some of you shake with terror, but think of this. You know how you’ve had “clean the garage” on that to-do list forever? And you know how you never actually clean the garage, but you’ve gotten really good at writing down that you’re going to clean the garage (as you re-write that to-do list day after day)? Yeah, well that’s going to change with this strategy!
Instead of adding things to a to-do list, you’re going to schedule in everything that was on your list and actually get it done. So, clean the garage is now on your schedule for June 15th from 9:00-12:00. Yes, maybe that’s a month from now, but so what? That’s the only time you really have to get it done anyway. You know the best part (other than the fact that you’re being realistic about when you can really get this job done?) The best part is not seeing this on your list day after day and feeling bad because you’re not doing it (yet again). To-do lists are bad for your soul.
I’ll tell you another good thing about this. When you tell your kids (or partner), “We’re cleaning the garage on Saturday,” you’re going to get complaining and pushback. But when it’s on the schedule for a specific amount of time, and you let the kids or your partner know, “Remember that on Saturday we’re cleaning the garage from 9:00-12:00, and then we’ll all go grab a great lunch,” people stop complaining (well, mostly). It’s finite; their day isn’t ruined. And, because you only have so much time, you work harder and generally get things done within the time limit!
Scheduling (also called timeboxing) is a way to manage your attention and cut down on distractions. So again, no more to-do lists or working off of stickies or notes. Whether you’re a stay-at-home parent or VP of a large company, this is how I want you to plan your day.
Even if you’re someone who has a lot of unstructured time, you likely still find it difficult to get everything done (and so beat up on yourself extra hard) but, actually, not having someone over you telling you what to do and having to be self-directed is the toughest of all situations!
When you have the whole day with maybe only a couple of classes scheduled or one or two meetings, and the rest is up to you, it’s very hard to get yourself to do the things you don’t want to do. This is why the majority of PhD students take between seven and ten years to complete their degree (including yours truly)! These are smart people, but when you need to motivate yourself with your own deadlines, smartness doesn’t overcome the human condition. Deadlines are helpful for most people because someone outside of you is “forcing” you to finish. The key is to create a schedule not ruled by stress and deadlines, but by something else.
Get my top 5 tips for setting and sticking to healthy boundaries at work and avoiding burnout.
This is also going to be especially helpful to anyone working remotely as you struggle to separate your work and home life.
How to Schedule Exactly
You’re going to schedule everything from follow-up calls, to when you check your email, to folding laundry and writing up that big report. A key to all this scheduling is to also schedule in breaks. Now, there’s a bunch of research saying you should schedule approximately an hour of work and then 15 minutes of rest/break so you can use that as a general rule. I find that I can go for about 90 minutes, and then I need about 10 minutes. You need to play with this to see what works for you.
I also want you to schedule the hardest thing first thing in your day. Do not use this time for email! After you’ve done the hard, thinking work, take a break, and then do email. You don’t need your best brain to do email. Also, email is all about other people’s agenda, and not your own.
I’m also going to recommend using an old school kitchen timer for keeping track of your time, instead of setting a reminder or alarm on your phone. You really want to stay away from your phone as much as possible!
How to Take Real Breaks
The research shows that a key to productivity and efficiency is having fewer interruptions. This is where scheduling blocks of time helps because you can set up a time frame where you won’t be interrupted. So, do the work but then take a real break.
What constitutes a real break?
- Have true downtime. This means no smartphone activity. The unconscious mind does a lot of activity during down time. This is why you get “aha” moments when you’re in the shower or walking the dog.
- Getting up from your desk or stopping whatever you’re doing (walk away from the laundry room).
- Definitely drink water or something hydrating (not coffee or tea)
- Eat a snack with lean protein, a few times in the day
- Read a spiritual passage or something pleasurable for 10 minutes
- Meditate
- Listen to a visualization or body scan exercise
- Move your body if you’ve been sitting or sit if you’ve been moving your body.
- Go outside if at all possible! But moving is key.
Research shows that physically moving forward helps us be more at peace and tranquil. Taking walks, going for a jog, and riding your bicycle are things you want to be doing anytime, but especially during periods of change or stress because of something called self-generated optic flow.
Self-generated optic flow happens any time you’re doing something where visual images are passing by you on all sides. (This means that treadmills and Pelotons don’t count, by the way). The research shows that when you’re in self-generated optic flow, the activity in your amygdala is suppressed. Why does this help you feel less anxious? Because your amygdala is the fear part of your brain that’s always scanning for threats which is what creates feelings of anxiousness and worry. Any time you partake in an activity with self-generated optic flow, you calm your amygdala. This means that taking some kind of walk as a break is the absolute best thing you can do, even if it’s only for a few minutes. Get calm and allow your brain to relax.
What’s not a real break:
- Checking your phone or emails
- Watching TV, YouTube videos or social media. Do not consume. You’re trying to give your brain a break!
- Checking Slack or Microsoft Teams
- Staying at your desk (or wherever you were studying or working) in any way
Habit #2: Plan Your Day the Night Before
Your day doesn’t start when your alarm goes off; it starts when you set it and get to bed the night before. A good night’s sleep is the best gift you can give yourself to have better emotional regulation, memory and cognitive functioning the next day.
And the same goes for planning your day the night before. When you plan your days the night before, you not only increase productivity but also avoid decision fatigue and preserve your willpower the following day. Not all hours of the day are created equal. Your attention span is going to be highest during certain parts of the day, so spend the first hour of the day on things that are most important to you. Every day, use the last five to ten minutes scheduling and planning the next day.
Habit #3: Break Down Big Goals into Smaller Steps
I want you to start thinking about whether whatever is on your plate can be broken down into smaller steps. There are some things, like folding the laundry, that should just go in the schedule and call it done. But there are other, bigger things or things that feel scary (like doing your taxes) that should be worked back from deadlines. In these cases, you want to set aside time to do a little brain dump with all the steps involved in doing a particular task or project and then schedule each step.
For example, you don’t want to do your taxes, so you keep putting it off. So, first write down all the smaller steps like gathering receipts, creating a spreadsheet for the different categories, looking on Amazon for what you ordered and what was work-related, and making an appointment with your tax person. Now, take that brain dump list and number everything in order of what needs to come first. Lastly, add each piece, in order, into your schedule over the next few weeks or months (depending on when you start this process).
Or maybe you have an anger issue, and your partner is after you about it. You don’t know where you’ll fit in counseling and how do you even find a counselor?!? In this case, you might not know all the steps until you take the first one. Think of the lowest-hanging fruit instead. What’s one small thing you could start with since trying to find a counselor seems like too much?
Instead, you might schedule a time to do some internet research about anger management. Then, schedule another time to make a list of all the things you could do for your anger. Then schedule a time for three minutes of meditation every morning, or listening to a podcast on anger once per week, or calling your insurance company to find out what therapists are covered under your plan.
Remember, the best time to do things you don’t love is first thing (before you worry too much about it and change your mind). So schedule doing that initial internet research on anger first thing on some morning in the next week or two.
When you work in this way, you can have a philosophy of finishing things, not “working on things.” Because you’ve broken down a big project into smaller pieces and you’ve scheduled it, you’ll actually finish that piece of the puzzle, and you’ll feel good along the way because you’re knocking things off “the list” and making big tasks feel less anxiety-producing.
Resources for Three Simple Habits to Structure and Plan Your Day so You Can Be Effective, Productive and Calm
Abby’s Step-by-Step Guide to Starting Your Day Right
Five Research-Backed Ways to Have More Self-Discipline and Self-Control
How to Set Boundaries at Work and Avoid Burnout
Golden Body Light Scan with Dr. Abby Medcalf
Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World by Cal Newport
The Distracted Mind: Ancient Brains in a High-Tech World by Adam Gazzaley
Stringer, H. (2017, September 1). Boosting productivity. Monitor on Psychology, 48(8).
