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If you’ve ever caught yourself poking at your belly or scrutinizing your thighs in the mirror, you’re not alone. Body image is something most of us grapple with, especially in a world obsessed with airbrushed perfection. But here’s the deal: you’re more than your body and learning to love the skin you’re in isn’t just about feeling good; it’s about living fully! Today we’ll discuss why body image can feel so complicated, what contributes to the way you see yourself, and, most importantly, five steps to help you start accepting your body (and yourself).
14-minute read
Introduction
Before we start, I want to say a word about what I’m not going to include today and the One Love Collective:
- I’m not going to discuss eating disorders today. If you’d like an episode on that topic, let me know by commenting under the video on YouTube or writing to me at [email protected].
- I’m also not going to cover the body image challenges for trans individuals. Research shows that transgender and non-binary people face unique and profound challenges related to body image and acceptance. Many trans people experience “gender dysphoria” caused by the mismatch between their gender identity and physical appearance. This can make societal pressures around body image even more pronounced. I’m not going to belittle this topic by throwing it in here as an aside.
- Get more community and more Abby! Sign up for my Patreon community today! For this episode alone there are going to be three bonuses in the Patreon Community!
The Science Behind Body Image
Body image isn’t about what you see in the mirror; it’s about how you feel about what you see in that mirror. Research shows that body image is shaped by biological, psychological, and social factors, sort of a perfect storm of nature and nurture. These three dimensions influence how you perceive yourself and navigate your relationship with your body, so I’m going to break them down right now.
The Role of Biology
Biology significantly influences body image in ways we’re only beginning to understand. Our evolutionary history shaped a deep-seated focus on physical appearance. Symmetry and physical health were once critical markers of survival and reproductive success. But these ingrained preferences are outdated in today’s society, where health and value are far more complex than your outward appearance.
And hormonal changes also play a role. For example, puberty introduces new body shapes and sizes, often resulting in self-consciousness as people adjust to these changes. Fluctuations in hormones like cortisol, triggered by stress, can contribute to weight changes that further impact body image. Additionally, genetic predispositions influence body type and susceptibility to weight gain or metabolic disorders, further complicating the way you might perceive yourself.
The Role of Psychology
The psychological landscape of body image is vast and multifaceted. Self-esteem serves as a cornerstone; individuals with higher self-esteem are less likely to internalize negative body perceptions. And people with perfectionistic tendencies often find themselves trapped in a cycle of dissatisfaction, chasing an ideal that likely doesn’t even exist.
Past experiences play a crucial role. Negative comments from peers, bullying, or even seemingly innocent remarks from family members can plant the seeds of body dissatisfaction. Over time, these experiences contribute to deeply entrenched beliefs about self-worth and appearance. Mental health issues like anxiety and depression also exacerbate body image struggles, as they can amplify feelings of inadequacy and self-criticism.
As if that’s not enough, cognitive biases, like the tendency to focus on your perceived flaws while ignoring your strengths, skew how individuals see themselves. Addressing these biases through therapies like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has proven effective in helping people reshape their mental narrative around body image. Psychological factors such as self-esteem, perfectionism, and past trauma significantly affect body image. People who struggle with anxiety or depression may be more prone to negative self-perception. Research also highlights how childhood experiences, like bullying or comments about weight, shape long-term body image beliefs.
Body Dysmorphia and Its Impact on Body Image
Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is a mental health condition that involves obsessive thoughts about perceived flaws in your appearance (flaws that are often invisible to others). Unlike general body dissatisfaction, BDD is more severe and can significantly disrupt a person’s daily life, leading to compulsive behaviors like excessive exercise or grooming, mirror checking (or avoiding mirrors), trying to hide parts of your body (with makeup, scarves or even how you sit), overly focusing on plastic surgery/fillers and not noticing when things actually start to look worse, not believing others when they say you look good, or avoiding social situations/leaving the house during the day entirely.
Research shows that BDD affects roughly 2% of the population, and it often begins in adolescence (no big surprise there), since this is a time when body image concerns are already heightened. Social media, as well as other cultural pressures, exacerbate the condition by promoting unattainable beauty standards.
BDD distorts how individuals perceive themselves. For example, someone with BDD might fixate on the size of their nose, believing it to be grotesquely large, even though others see it as perfectly normal. This disconnect between perception and reality highlights the challenges of achieving body acceptance when battling BDD.
If you think you have BDD and not a more “normal” issue with accepting your body, you need to consult a qualified mental health professional right away.
The Role of Social Influences
Social influences are perhaps the most pervasive factors shaping body image. From a young age, family dynamics lay the groundwork for how you likely perceive your body. Parents who openly criticize their own or others’ appearances often pass down these insecurities. Siblings, friends, and peers add layers of comparison, whether intentional or not.
And the media’s role cannot be overstated! Traditional media like magazines and television perpetuate narrow beauty standards, but social media has amplified this effect. Platforms like Instagram and TikTok create curated realities where influencers present filtered, edited versions of their lives. This constant exposure to unattainable ideals fosters a relentless cycle of comparison and dissatisfaction. It’s also problematic because influencers and famous people often lie about how they achieve these results and the amount of money spent to look the way they do, so “regular people” are duped into thinking something is attainable that’s not.
Cultural norms also play a pivotal role. In Western societies, thinness is often equated with success and self-discipline, while other cultures may prioritize different body types. These norms create a framework that either validates or undermines your body image, depending on how closely they align with societal expectations.
So, if you grew up in a household where diet culture was prominent, you’re likely to internalize those messages. Social media’s constant comparison game can exacerbate insecurities, making it hard to see yourself outside the filter of others’ expectations.
Cultural Perspectives on Body Image
I do want to say a little more about culture and body image. While body image struggles are universal, they’re not the same everywhere. As I said, here in the U.S., thinness is often equated with success and beauty, thanks to relentless media messaging. Compare this to cultures like Mauritania (in Northwest Africa), where fuller bodies are seen as a sign of wealth and fertility. These differences highlight how deeply ingrained societal norms shape our perceptions.
- Japan: Emphasizes cleanliness and modesty, often prioritizing health over appearance.
- Brazil: Celebrates curves, but beauty standards are still intense, with high rates of cosmetic surgery.
- Scandinavia: Values practicality and comfort, with less emphasis on being thin for the sake of beauty.
- South Korea: Body positivity is practically non-existent in South Korea, as is appreciation for diversity. The absence of exposure, alongside unrealistic expectations, provokes toxicity when it comes to self-image.
These cultural contrasts remind us that body image isn’t a universal experience; it’s shaped by the society we live in.
Why Do We Struggle with Body Image? Top Three Reasons
1. Family Messages
Family dynamics play a foundational role in shaping body image. From a young age, children absorb the attitudes and behaviors of their caregivers. If parents often criticize their own bodies or comment negatively on weight, these messages can become deeply ingrained. For instance, a mother frequently dieting or a father commenting on “watching calories” can teach a child that their value is tied to appearance.
It’s not just about direct comments, though. Subtle actions, like favoring one child’s appearance over another’s or offering rewards for weight loss, can also influence self-esteem. Siblings can contribute to body image issues through teasing or comparisons, further solidifying insecurities.
For example, I had a client who told me that her family would praise her sister’s “tiny waist” while criticizing or comparing it to her broader frame. These comments stayed with her into adulthood, making it difficult to see her body as valuable or beautiful. My mom used to criticize my thighs, and I’ve heard, “Watch what you eat,” or I was even told by my mom that I should lose weight or risk losing my partner.
Families often (unintentionally) pass down insecurities. Studies have shown that parental comments about weight are linked to poor body image in children.
2. Media and Unrealistic Standards
The media bombards us with images of perfection, but those images are far from reality. Airbrushed magazine covers, celebrity “bounce-back” stories after childbirth, and heavily filtered social media posts set unattainable standards. The average American woman is a size 16–18, yet most models portrayed in media are a size 2 or 4. For men, the pressure comes in the form of chiseled abs and superhero physiques, which require grueling diets and workouts that aren’t sustainable for most people.
Social media intensifies the issue by creating a 24/7 comparison game. Studies have shown that excessive time on social media correlates with increased body dissatisfaction. Even fitness and health accounts, often framed as motivational, can contribute to harmful beliefs about needing to look a certain way.
Body Image Differences Between Males and Females
Men and women experience body image pressures differently, largely due to societal expectations and media portrayals. While women often feel pressure to be thin and youthful, men are frequently pushed toward ideals of muscularity and strength. Research shows that while body dissatisfaction is more commonly reported by women, it’s a significant and growing concern for men as well. (nationaleatingdisorders.org)
For women, body image issues often stem from the “thin ideal” perpetuated by media and culture. Women’s magazines, for example, frequently emphasize weight loss and slenderness as paths to happiness and success. In contrast, men are exposed to the “muscle ideal,” with portrayals of lean, muscular physiques dominating advertisements and entertainment. This can lead men to engage in behaviors like excessive exercising or supplement use to achieve the “ideal” body.
Studies have found that men who viewed fitness-focused media were more likely to report dissatisfaction with their muscularity compared to those who didn’t. Similarly, women exposed to fashion and beauty media reported higher dissatisfaction with their weight.
Both genders also face stigma when they deviate from societal norms. For instance, men with body fat may be labeled as “lazy,” while women with similar physiques are often deemed “unhealthy.” These labels can reinforce negative self-perceptions and perpetuate unhealthy behaviors.
3. Internal Critic
The internal critic is often the loudest and most relentless voice when it comes to body image struggles. This critic is shaped by a lifetime of negative feedback, whether from external sources or internalized societal expectations. It feeds on perfectionism and creates an impossible standard, “I’ll only be happy if I lose 10 pounds” or “My value depends on looking younger.”
Negative self-talk compounds the problem. For example, noticing a small weight gain might spiral into thoughts like, “I’ll never look good again.” These thoughts can feel automatic and overwhelming, making it hard to see the bigger picture. Addressing this critic requires intentional strategies. Techniques like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) teach individuals to identify and challenge distorted thinking. Mindfulness practices can help quiet the inner voice by fostering a non-judgmental awareness of one’s thoughts and body.
Five Steps to Make Peace with Your Body
1. Practice Media Literacy
Not everything you see online is real and reminding yourself of that can be a game-changer. Airbrushing and filters can make anyone look flawless, from celebrities to your next-door neighbor (to me on TikTok)! Start by curating your digital space: unfollow accounts that make you feel inadequate and follow ones that promote body positivity and diversity.
Take an active role in questioning the images and messages you encounter. For example, when scrolling through Instagram, ask yourself: “Is this image edited? Would this person look the same without makeup or perfect lighting?” Practicing this level of awareness helps rewire your brain to be critical of harmful media rather than critical of yourself.
I have a client who started only following creators who embraced their cellulite and stretch marks. She reported feeling not only more confident but also more connected to her own body after realizing “imperfections” are normal and beautiful. And please consider a social media detox. Even a 24-hour break can work wonders in resetting your mindset. Use the time to journal or engage in real-world activities that bring you joy, like walking outdoors or connecting with friends.
2. Challenge Negative Thoughts
Get away from “Is it true?” to “Is it helpful?” Yes, it might be true that your thighs definitely make noise when you walk because they’re rubbing against one another, but is it helpful to focus on? Is it motivating you to punish yourself by saying mean things in your head about how you look?
That inner critic can be ruthless, but it doesn’t have to run the show. The next time you catch yourself thinking something negative about your body, ask if it’s helpful. Then, challenge yourself to think of one helpful thought. You can replace “I hate my stomach,” with, “My stomach carried my kids,” or, “It’s hard to focus on losing weight when I’m feeling so overwhelmed by just surviving day to day. I’m going to give myself a break today and not focus on my stomach.” By actively challenging these thoughts, you’ll weaken their power over time.
Or let’s say you’re upset because you don’t fit into an old pair of jeans. Instead of spiraling, tell yourself, “My body has changed, and that’s okay. I’m choosing clothes that fit today.”
I did an entire episode on cognitive reframing that you should definitely check out!
3. Focus on Function, Not Form
Your body is so much more than how it looks. Start by focusing on what your body does for you every day. For example, your legs might not look like a model’s, but they’re strong enough to carry you through hikes, dance classes, or long days on your feet. Gratitude exercises can help shift your focus. Take a moment each day to jot down one thing your body allowed you to do. Maybe it’s as simple as, “I walked to the store today,” or as profound as, “I hugged my kids/best friend with these arms.”
The next time you feel tempted to critique your appearance, ask yourself: “What has my body done for me today?” It’s a small but impactful way to build appreciation.
4. Set Boundaries Around Body Talk
Sometimes, the negativity doesn’t come from within; it comes from others. If friends or family make comments about weight or appearance, you need to set boundaries.
You can also redirect conversations. If someone brings up diets or body criticism, steer the topic toward health, hobbies, or shared interests. “I’m trying out a new recipe” or “I’ve been loving my morning yoga class” are positive ways to change the focus. And you know my favorite conversation redirector: “There are so many things I’m excited to talk to you about, and this isn’t one of them.” And then jump into that new topic!
5. Engage in Body-Positive Activities
Movement can be joyful when it’s not tied to weight loss or punishment. Explore activities that make you feel good in your body, whether it’s yoga, swimming, dancing, or simply walking in nature. These activities foster a sense of connection with your body, helping you appreciate its capabilities.
Mindfulness practices, like body scans, are also helpful. During a body scan, you mentally check in with each part of your body, noticing sensations without judgment. This practice can build awareness and gratitude. If you’re part of my Patreon community, I’ve got an excellent Body Scan exercise bonus for you!
Finally, try hobbies that don’t focus on appearance at all—like gardening, painting, or playing an instrument. These activities remind you that your worth is rooted in your passions, not your physical form.
Final Thoughts
Body acceptance isn’t about loving every part of yourself all the time because, let’s face it, we’re all our own worst critics. It’s about seeing your body for the incredible machine it is, respecting it for the work it does, and treating it with the same kindness you’d offer a loved one. Your body carries you through every moment of life—good and bad.
Embracing body acceptance means recognizing that your worth is not tied to your appearance, but to the unique and irreplaceable person you are. Start with small steps, celebrate even the tiniest wins, and remind yourself often: the mirror doesn’t define you, and it never could. Your value is woven into the person you are, not the image you see.
Research and Resources for Why Body Image and Acceptance Can Be Tough: Five Steps to Make Peace with Your Body
Join Abby’s online community, One Love Collective on Patreon to get exclusive access to content.
Overcoming Insecurity and Silencing Your Inner Critic
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Akhator-Eneka, Nwife Azuka, The Impact of Adverse Childhood Experiences on Body Image Dissatisfaction in Adolescents: A Narrative Review (March 26, 2024). Journal of Advances in Medicine and Medical Research 2024, Available at SSRN: https://ssrn.com/abstract=4860261
