Why You (or Your Partner) Struggle to Talk About Feelings: Understanding Alexithymia (Podcast Episode 333)

If you’ve ever felt like your partner shuts down when you ask, “How are you feeling?” or you find yourself saying, “I don’t know what I’m feeling; I just feel off,” you might be dealing with something deeper than emotional avoidance. You might be dealing with alexithymia. No, it’s not a disease. Nobody’s broken. But it’s real, and it affects your relationships, your mental health, and your ability to connect with yourself. Because if you don’t know how to identify or express your emotions, it’s going to be hard to have the connections and relationships you want. Today you’ll learn exactly what alexithymia is, the science behind it, and my six-step plan to build the skill of knowing what you’re feeling so you can create more connection, ease, and joy.

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Resources for Why You (or Your Partner) Struggle to Talk About Feelings: Understanding Alexithymia

For the One Love Collective Community: 

Tier One: Inner Circle

• Journaling Prompts
• Trait vs. State Alexithymia: What’s the Difference? Handout
• Emotion Word-of-the-Day 14-Day Challenge

Tier II: Love Accelerator

• Emotion Detective Worksheet: Connecting the Dots Between Triggers, Body, and Feelings
• Feelings Forecast Daily Planner

Tier III: VIP Love Lab

• The Emotion/Need Connection Worksheet
• The Emotional Awareness Action Plan: For When You Don’t Know What You’re Feeling
• Weekly Practice Suggestions

Order the bundle for only $8 and get all the above!

Mindfulness Starter Kit

Bagby, R., Parker, J. D., & Taylor, G. J. (1994). The twenty-item Toronto Alexithymia scale—I. Item selection and cross-validation of the factor structure. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 38(1), 23-32. https://doi.org/10.1016/0022-3999(94)90005-1

Moriguchi, Y., Ohnishi, T., Lane, R. D., Maeda, M., Mori, T., Nemoto, K., Matsuda, H., & Komaki, G. (2006). Impaired self-awareness and theory of mind: An fMRI study of mentalizing in alexithymia. NeuroImage, 32(3), 1472-1482. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neuroimage.2006.04.186

Frewen, P. A., A. Dozois, D. J., J. Neufeld, R. W., & Lanius, R. A. (2008). Meta-analysis of alexithymia in posttraumatic stress disorder. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 21(2), 243-246. https://doi.org/10.1002/jts.20320

Declercq, Frédéric & Vanheule, Stijn & Deheegher, John. (2010). Alexithymia and posttraumatic stress: Subscales and symptom clusters. Journal of Clinical Psychology. 66. 1076-89. 10.1002/jclp.20715.

Frewen PA, Dozois DJ, Neufeld RW, Lanius RA. Meta-analysis of alexithymia in posttraumatic stress disorder. J Trauma Stress. 2008 Apr;21(2):243-6. doi: 10.1002/jts.20320. PMID: 18404647.

Velde, Jorien & Servaas, Michelle & Goerlich, Katharina & Horton, Paul & Costafreda, Sergi & Aleman, André. (2013). Neural correlates of alexithymia: A meta-analysis of emotion processing studies. Neuroscience and biobehavioral reviews. 37. 10.1016/j.neubiorev.2013.07.008.

Goerlich KS, Aleman A. Neuroimaging Studies of Alexithymia. In: Luminet O, Bagby RM, Taylor GJ, eds. Alexithymia: Advances in Research, Theory, and Clinical Practice. Cambridge University Press; 2018:207-249.

Lanius RA, Williamson PC, Densmore M, Boksman K, Neufeld RW, Gati JS, Menon RS. The nature of traumatic memories: a 4-T FMRI functional connectivity analysis. Am J Psychiatry. 2004 Jan;161(1):36-44. doi: 10.1176/appi.ajp.161.1.36. PMID: 14702248.

Nicholson, Andrew & Friston, Karl & Zeidman, Peter & Harricharan, Sherain & Mckinnon, Margaret & Densmore, Maria & Neufeld, Richard & Théberge, Jean & Corrigan, Frank & Jetly, Rakesh & Spiegel, David & Lanius, Ruth. (2017). Dynamic Causal Modeling in PTSD and Its Dissociative Subtype: Bottom-Up Versus Top-Down Processing Within Fear and Emotion Regulation Circuitry. Human Brain Mapping. 38. 10.1002/hbm.23748. 

Farb, N., Daubenmier, J., Price, C. J., Gard, T., Kerr, C., Dunn, B. D., Klein, A. C., Paulus, M. P., & Mehling, W. E. (2015). Interoception, contemplative practice, and health. Frontiers in Psychology, 6, 118347. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2015.00763

Strating, M. A., & Pascual-Leone, A. (2019). Emotion-Based Case Formulation for Personality Disorders. Case Formulation for Personality Disorders, 355-374. https://doi.org/10.1016/B978-0-12-813521-1.00018-7

Bornemann, B., Herbert, B. M., Mehling, W. E., & Singer, T. (2015). Differential changes in self-reported aspects of interoceptive awareness through 3 months of contemplative training. Frontiers in Psychology, 5, 121270. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2014.01504

Ogrodniczuk JS, Piper WE, Joyce AS. Effect of alexithymia on the process and outcome of psychotherapy: a programmatic review. Psychiatry Res. 2011 Nov 30;190(1):43-8. doi: 10.1016/j.psychres.2010.04.026. Epub 2010 May 14. PMID: 20471096.

Pennebaker, J. W., & Chung, C. K. (2011). Expressive writing: Connections to physical and mental health. In H. S. Friedman (Ed.), The Oxford handbook of health psychology (pp. 417–437). Oxford University Press.

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