You Don’t Have to Earn It: Breaking Free from Transactional Self-Worth (Podcast Episode 342)

If you’ve ever wondered, “Am I doing enough?” at work, in your relationships, as a parent, or just as a person, you’re not alone. So many of my clients feel like they have to prove their value through performance, productivity, or being “good enough” for someone to love or respect them. Today we’ll explore the difference between self-worth and self-esteem, the signs that your sense of worth has become transactional, and five practical ways to break this pattern and start living from a place of grounded, unconditional self-worth. Today you’ll learn why love should never be a job interview.

Click here to read the full blog and show notes!

For the One Love Collective Community

Tier I:

• Boundary Practice Scenarios: “No Without Negotiation”
• Couple/Family Dynamics Reflection: Earning Love at Home Exercise
• Reparenting Journal Exercise: What My Younger Self Needed to Hear
• Workplace Worth Reflection

Tier II:

• You Don’t Have to Earn This: 25 Reminders to Anchor Your Worth
• Deep Reflection Worksheet: Where Did I Learn to Earn
• Guided Visualization

Tier III:

• Core Belief Reframe Tool
• Self-Compassion Script Exercise
• Two-Week Daily Practice Tracker

Get all the resources above for only $8! Download the complete workbook now.

Resources for You Don’t Have to Earn It: Breaking Free from Transactional Self-Worth

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Get the complete workbook for this episode. Download the bundle for only $8.

Having a Growth Mindset Is the Key to An Empowered Mindset

Abby’s TEDx Talk

Rogers, CR. (1961) On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy. Houghton Mifflin, Boston.

Crocker, J., Luhtanen, R. K., & Sommers, S. R. (2004). Contingencies of self-worth: Progress and prospects. European Review of Social Psychology, 15(1), 133–181. https://doi.org/10.1080/10463280440000017

Crocker, J., & Wolfe, C. T. (2001). Contingencies of self-worth. Psychological Review, 108(3), 593–623. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.108.3.593

Schimel, J., Arndt, J., Pyszczynski, T., & Greenberg, J. (2001). Being accepted for who we are: Evidence that social validation of the intrinsic self reduces general defensiveness. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 80(1), 35–52. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.80.1.35

Assor, A., Roth, G., & Deci, E. L. (2004). The Emotional Costs of Parents’ Conditional Regard: A Self-Determination Theory Analysis. Journal of Personality, 72(1), 47-88. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.0022-3506.2004.00256.x

Soenens, B., & Vansteenkiste, M. (2010). A theoretical upgrade of the concept of parental psychological control: Proposing new insights on the basis of self-determination theory. Developmental Review, 30(1), 74-99. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.dr.2009.11.001

Heine, S. J., Lehman, D. R., Markus, H. R., & Kitayama, S. (1999). Is there a universal need for positive self-regard? Psychological Review, 106(4), 766–794. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.106.4.766

Kitayama, S., Markus, H. R., Matsumoto, H., & Norasakkunkit, V. (1997). Individual and collective processes in the construction of the self: Self-enhancement in the United States and self-criticism in Japan. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 72(6), 1245–1267. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.72.6.1245

Gentile, B., Grabe, S., Dolan-Pascoe, B., Twenge, J. M., Wells, B. E., & Maitino, A. (2009). Gender Differences in Domain-Specific Self-Esteem: A Meta-Analysis. Review of General Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0013689

Jack, D. C., & Dill, D. (1992). The Silencing the Self Scale: Schemas of Intimacy Associated With Depression in Women. Psychology of Women Quarterly. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1471-6402.1992.tb00242.x

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