THE 5 SIGNS THAT YOU’RE NOT COMMUNICATING

signs you're not communicating

 

Talking to someone who’s not listening is like speaking to a drunk person. They can sort of hold a conversation with you, but they’re not really “present” or engaged and they’re not going to remember a thing you said tomorrow. Today I’m going to teach you the five signs that they’re not listening (so you’re not communicating) and my super simple, amazingly effective tool to get the conversation back on track!

Love the podcast? I’d be so grateful if you left a review! Just launch Apple’s Podcast app on your mobile device, search for the Relationships Made Easy podcast, and scroll down to rate and review!

There are five signs that communication isn’t happening. It might be you doing one of these five things or the person you’re speaking with. Either way, it’s time to reset and re-strategize!

And, as usual, I’ve got one of my great acronyms that you can use to remember what to look out for. We’re going to use the acronym BRAID.

BRAID

Blaming: If you or the other person is acting like a victim or blaming anyone or anything for the situation, true communication has stopped.

Reading Minds: You can’t read anyone’s mind and they can’t read yours. If the conversation has sentences like, “I know what you’re thinking,” “I know what you’re going to say, so I’m not going to ask,” “You should know by now what I want,” or “You knew what I meant and you did it anyway!” then the conversation should stop right then and there.

Attacking: Once you start attacking one another in any way, the game is well and truly over. This includes passive aggressive remarks and actions (aggression is right there in the title); biting or constant sarcasm (what, you can’t take a joke? You take everything so seriously)! Obviously name-calling, diagnosing (you’re bipolar!) or attacks on character (you’ve always been a drama queen) are all a problem.

Interrupting: If you’re being interrupted or if you start talking over another person, conversation has stopped. If you’re being interrupted it means the other person is in fight/flight or freeze mode, so that amygdala is turned on and they are no longer listening (if they ever were). Interrupting can also be if the person takes a call, looks at their phone, gets distracted by something or someone outside the conversation or you can see that they’re trying to say something while you’re speaking.

Defensive: Any defensiveness at all, again by you or the other person, is a sign that people are in that fight/flight/freeze mode and no communication is happening so it’s time to re-set or come back to the conversation at another time.

Resources:

2 Strategies You Need to Communicate Effectively

3 Tips for Effective Communication in Any Relationship

Communication Tools: Focus on Your Feelings, Not the Facts

If You Want to Communicate, You’ve Got to Listen First

It’s Time to Up Your Communication Game

 

Want a great tool to combat BRAID? Sign up below to download the free Wake Up Word exercise. It’s super simple to use and amazingly effective!

 Ready to find out what goes on inside that crazy mind of Abby’s? 

Subscribe & Review in iTunes
Are you subscribed to my podcast yet? Well, what are you waiting for? You know you want to make your relationship awesome and getting a weekly reminder on specific ways to do just that is a perfect way to get there! Click here to subscribe in iTunes
 
If you’re up for giving me some extra love, I’d be so very grateful if you’d leave me a review over on iTunes too (make iTunes a link). Reviews help other people find my podcast and they’re also fun for me to go in and read. Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let me know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you so much!
Dr. Abby with her Book "Be Happily Married, Even If Your Partner Won't Do A Thing"

GRAB MY BOOK!

Create a happy, connected relationship, even if your partner won’t do a thing! Get my Amazon #1 best-selling book: Be Happily Married Even if Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing.

Relationships Made Easy with Dr. Abby Medcalf Podcast

SIGN UP FOR MY NEWSLETTER

Get your weekly dose of inspiration to keep you on track!

Relationships Made Easy with Dr. Abby Medcalf Podcast

GET MY FREE COMMUNICATION TOOL KIT!

Build a connected, loving relationship with the FREE Communication Tool Kit for Couples.

READ MY ARTICLES FOR MY TOP RELATIONSHIP TIPS AND TOOLS!

Most Popular Episodes

GOT FAMILY STRESS? HOW TO NOT GET TRIGGERED BY FAMILY

GOT FAMILY STRESS? HOW TO NOT GET TRIGGERED BY FAMILY

Are you dealing with family stress? Lashing out at your mom for that condescending thing she said? Feeling guilty that you’re avoiding your dad because he drives you crazy? Today you’re going to learn my top three tips to not get triggered by family so you can find...

HOW TO DEAL WITH TOXIC FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

HOW TO DEAL WITH TOXIC FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

What do you do when an extended family member is creating a toxic atmosphere at family gatherings? How do you draw boundaries and feel seen and heard when dealing with toxic family relationships? I'm going deep on this question in today's episode! Ask Dr. Abby is the...

Dr. Abby Medcalf's weekly newsletter

Get your weekly dose of inspiration to keep you on track!

Subscribe today to get my weekly thoughts, best practices and funny stories (you won’t believe my life!). This weekly reminder will keep you motivated to stay on the path to creating connected, happy relationships (especially the one with yourself)!

Get your weekly newsletter with all things Abby and life

Subscribe today to get my weekly thoughts, best practices and funny stories (you won’t believe my life!). This weekly reminder will keep you on the path to creating connected, happy relationships (especially the one with yourself)!

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Get your weekly newsletter with all things Abby and life

Subscribe today to get my weekly thoughts, best practices and funny stories (you won’t believe my life!). This weekly reminder will keep you on the path to creating connected, happy relationships (especially the one with yourself)!

You have Successfully Subscribed!